22nd December 2002

I feel like he never would have turned into an asshole.

I find it kind of awesome that he was signed to Hellcat Records...

Dear bedroom radiator,

It is far too cold for you to decide not to work, please just turn on so I don't have to keep the airing cupboard door open to make my room warm.

Lots of love,
P-nut

So yeah, here I sit, with a blanket wrapped round me, knitting in front of me (yes people, I really am this cool, I know its hard to believe. If it helps, my knitting is a skinny black and purple scarf...) freezing to death because I am clearly being too girly to manage to turn the radiator in my room on...I did manage to get the place tidy - I still have too much stuff - and hoover up all the dead wasps (I have no idea where they come from...). Tomorrow I might take pictures of it and then go to the shop with mum and get another corkboard or three because I have too many things to go on them...I might also do something with the flaky gross airing cupboard door...turn it into a homage to CBGB's or something...IDK.

Catching up with my advent calender...21 pieces of chocolate to eat :) Yum. Christmas doesn't look like its going to be nearly as complicated as I thought it would be...Mum's side of the family is all set, going to see them on the 27th (plenty of time for me to hide all the valuble/breakable things and my iPod so they survive the fidget contingent) and looks like the other side is staying where its put...so thats OK. :) Also, justrockandroll   - mum says that if you're on your own in Wycombe on Christmas Day, you're welcome to come here and eat ridiculous amounts of food and help with the 24 bottles of wine and ignore my little brother, but no one will be offended if you don't want to - just let us know :)

Snow is fine if I have snow based plans or nothing to do so I can snuggle up in bed or on the couch under a duvet, watch crap movies/read a book/knit and just watch it being pretty out of the window.

Snow is not fine when I have to travel up Marlow Hill to get home or up Amersham Hill to go do the things I already had planned.

Grrr.

Oh well...I guess it'll all work out - it was fun walking back from the SU in it though, cos its still snow and not half melted and re-frozen into ice.

Still gonna go live in CA where they don't have seasons...or find a band (*cough*GreenDay*cough*) to take me on tour based adventures next year...

I actually live in a cupboard.

Gonna have a major clear out in here and maybe go raid the pound shop for boxes or something...ever have those days when you just get all twitchy about stuff that hasn't ever bothered you before? I woke up like that this morning and I just need to make my room work somehow cos I can't afford to move into the bigger room however much I'd like to...

I need a desk though, I can't even begin to explain how hard it is for me to work sitting on the floor with my laptop on top of my carboard box/miniture desk. Especially ince once I move that over to work on it, theres no room left for my books or whatever I'm referencing...GAH!

Blew up the hard drive in my laptop.
Borrowing my mother's...Iwant mine back...I miss Vista...

There's room at the top they're telling you still.
But first you must learn to smile as you kill.

So today didn't go as bad as I thought it might when I woke up this morning.

Spent the morning hanging out with housemate #1 and her friend from home, just talking rubbish and drinking coffee/failing at making toast under the grill...then came back upstairs and played bass for a bit...generally sat around being cool...y'know.
Then uni...turns out I actually have friends, so I have a group for the next event we have to do :) - hopefully we won't fail at communication and stuff quite as epicly as we did before...we'll see. Felt a bit bad bailing on one of the old group, but then I realised that actually I just have to follow the advice I have stuck on my bedroom wall:
Expect the best
Be prepared for the worst
fuck what others think
& do your own thing

Really bored of how this room looks at the moment, really want a desk (please father christmas/landlord) and a bigger wardrobe (or less clothes, but while Primark and Snakes&Suits still have plaid shirts thats not really a realistic goal for my life.). Also, on the subject of clothes, really bored of all my clothes...I feel like plaid shirts need to be my thing...to replace the black t-shirts...don't get me wrong, some days I just need to wear a black band shirt, but I also don't need to have enough that I can wear a different one every day for a month...hmmm.

Goals for the rest of the year:
- Get thinner.
- Find job.
- Get organised.
- Find a way of organising my bedroom here that doesn't end in me falling over shit or generally ending up filled with rage at life.
- Do more proper cooking (thus helping in the whole getting thinner thing, and maybe even the whole not having any money thing) - perhaps have people over for dinner like a proper (if slightly mad) human being.

Seriously think I've fucked my knee this time.
Its been hurting since got in from uni and sat down, ibuprofen hasn't touched it, neither did having a bath or strecthing it out...or walking around on it...or Lush massage stuff (it normally works..) Grrr. If it still hurts in the morning I guess I'll have to think about doing something about it...

I just totalled up what I've spent on music since September.

£207.74

Uhm. Oops?
Guess that explains why I have no money left...

Also - I said it on Facebook last night, The Academy Is... need to tour here again soon. So do Morningwood and MSI...and MCR so I can see my insane friends again...and Muse (although I think my mummy could be easily persuaded to get tickets for Wembley - cos she's awesome like that).

So anyway...I'm getting thinner apparently (no idea how...maybe no money is a good thing?) cos my belt is too loose...just gotta keep this up the rest of the year so I'm not that weird huge kid that always in the pit at shows pissing people off and being sweaty...ew.

Someone just asked me what the worst part of uni was.
Honestly?
Not being able to play an instrument.

I can deal with most of the other crap that comes with being a student (although not having any money - or at least knowing that in theory I have money, just having ex-housemates who can't deal with the idea of paying me back - is just about killing me right now.) - the crap lecturers, not being able to find any of the books I want in the library, never being able to find a computer, the food in the cafe being ridiculous (£1.70 for two bits of bread and some crap cheese? Honestly?)...I can deal. The same shit happens everywhere. But knowing that all the friends I have at other universities across the country have access to being in an orchestra or a wind band or whatever and being able to play at least once a week with proper rehearsals and real life performances (and yet they don't, which confuses me greatly.) and they're all doing sciences...then I'm sitting here, doing a music based (albeit management, but music is in the title) course and there is jack shit. UNless I want to try and get over to the bucks music centre and pay for the priviledge...
I miss having my bass and my saxophone (and my clarinet, and access to a drumkit and a piano...) so much right now. Seriously, I'm not even trying to be dramatic right now, my fingers keep twitching and watching videos of Green Day playing is giving me far too many feelings right now. I just rang home to see if someone would collect up all my bass stuff from around my room (it was like sending them on a treasure hunt) and drive it over here. They won't. Apparently I can wait til the weekend. I considered buying a bass this morning. I was going to go to the bank, get an overdraft and buy a brand new guitar.

Some people would call this an obsession. I call it my life.

I am bored of my entire wardrobe bar one pair or jeans and about 4 shirts.
I wish I had money to switch things up again. I'm think plaid would be the new black t-shirt in my life - really liking the new Snakes & Suits stuff and Criminal Damage's plaid...

Ah well - tomorrow is round 57 of job application completion (because hello new Lush store opening in town - I think I love you already)...hopefully something will come of it - I've only been looking for a year and a half after all (all I can say is thank God for student loans.)

I know most of you don't care about my uni stuff, but I just had this idea while I was thinking about my coursework (not that its even vaguely linked) and I had to write it down somewhere where I'd be able to get at it in the event that anyone else thought it was a good idea.

( My, quite frankly, brilliant idea fr my dream venue...this is where I want to be in 5-10 years time. )

I guess my mum was kind of right, I do kind of want to teach kids...just not really in a formal way... I know it would be horrifically expensive to start this up (at least it seems that way to someone who doesn't have any money), but I just feel like this sort of place would have been so useful at college and school, when there were always bands or acts wanting to perfor/learn/practice but there just isn't anywhere to do it and no one knows who they're supposed to talk to if they want to know how to fix a guitar (there is one course for instrument tech in the UK that I could find, a degree at London Met and that seems to deal more with classical instruments, the BTEC syllabus has a unit on guitar tech, but its optional and unless you happen to have a particularly good tech there, who's gonna teach it, I knwo our tutors couldn;t have done).

I know it sounds idealistic like this and I need to think about it properly and everything, but I really feel like this is what I want to build. I don't feel like it would be too much of a stretch for some of the bands/peope I admire and aspire to be like to want to be involved, even if its not on a direct level...I feel like they'd at least be impressed with it if it worked...

This si the first time in a long time I feel like I've had an ambition that could actually come to something. I feel like if I could find the people to work with and the money and some space for it to happen, iot could happen, at least for a little while...that maybe one kid could benefit, even it it is only me learning that it was a really stupid idea and that I don't like Ramen that much after all...

- I've managed 200 out of 2000 words for my coursework. But I have also managed to e-mail people the things I was going to e-mail them and do a hideous version of a SWOT analysis (if you don't know what this is already, its mostly tedious.)

- I have lost all faith in humanity (but that'll be fixed after I sleep)

- I have nearly finished the second True Blood book, can't remember whether I actually asked my mother to order me the whole set (because, seriously, all of them for £8.99 or £6.99 each? I love you Book People) and if she did whether it is supposed to be a secret surprise christmas present like my lovely new coat...

- I have cramp in my knee.

- It is a little bit ridiculous how much better I felt after I tidied my shoes...now if only I could build up the motivation to sort out my laundry and actually wash it.

- Hopefully we're getting a new shower tomorrow :D YAY!

- I feel a bit bad cos I don't possess any pictures of my uni friends...like, none. I have one of me and my housemate from this year from Oktoberfest at the SU. But unless you count the pictures of Sarah I have from college, I have none of anyone else.

- I am a deeply paranoid person.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LLvMKyPs8M

Oh Mike Dirnt, I sort of love you a lot.

So, yes...Thursday...hmm.

I've finally managed to get all my stuff back up on the walls and started covering up my fridge/wardrobe (I'll post pictures maybe, it looks exactly like a fridge.) with gig flyers (ones I'm actually going to/have been to) and put up my 99p store fairy lights (I need to bring my bat lights back with me next weekend).
The landlord finally came round, spent 15 minutes looking at the shower, then turned round and told us not to use it and he'd get someone round to install a new one by the weekend. So sort of yay cos we're getting a shower that works and sort of not cos until that happens I have to be organised enough to go and have a bath or just smell, which I don't think people will thank me for.
Spent last night in, watching Mean Girls because I'm super awesome, I feel like one day I should find some friends to come watch movies with/go out with, but until then, I'm here...buried in my duvet like I'm sick or something.
Uhm, so yeah...I think thats my life so far. I should start my coursework for live, but I don't have a clue how to start it and I feel like I missed the week where he actually explained it all...I'll figure it out I'm sure.

Now I have an hour and a half to sort myself out before I have to be in uni. Fun.

Is it weird that the new Kerrang! interview with Jared Leto makes him more attractive to me?

Tomo may smell good (he does. I checked when he walked past. I'm not insane.), but Jared has that whole messed up thing going that usually leads to really good hugs.

So. It's taken me 2 days to have coherant thoughts about this...but 30 Seconds to Mars at Koko. Wow.

Jared's no Billie Joe, but boy could he control the crowd, having seen it from the above (I was up on the first balcony seemed better to be there and be able to see than spending the evening jumping up and down on the floor to see over tall people...) makes me want to be in the middle of a pit again. Seriously.
Excitement atarts with the queue - I ended up pretty much round the back, because I wasn't going o sit out on my own all day and none of the London crew were going (as far as I know), we eventually got round to by the stage door about 1/2 an hour after the doors opened...we're standing, I'm talking to the girls behind me, then the door opens, three people come out, one all dressed up in dress pants and a big overcoat and a scarf, we do the half nod of rcognition, I step out of the way to let him past...then I turn round to the girl behind me and we're both like "Oh. That was Tomo...yeah..." Then he came back to go back inside after having clearly decided that it was too cold in London. He smells better than he looks like he would, not gonna lie.
So we get in, I find a spot, watch the support band - I have no idea who they are, but not my thing at all. They finished. We waited 45 minutes. Stage goes black, a scream goes up that only bats could hear (seriously), the band comes on and in a moment of pure comedy, every single person (seemed like) in the first four rows pulls out a camera and proceeds to pogo, sing along and take pictures at the same time.
We had about 1/2 an hour of electric "album version" 30 seconds - then we got acoustic Jared, which was awesome :) Echelon "oh hey, yeah, I don;t remember how this goes..." - so good.
Kings and Queens live - apparently it was only the second time they played it? Creepy good when the crowd joined in with the gang vocals exactly where they should have been...wow...

Wish I coulda stayed for the signing, my brother was texting me questions to ask Jared ("Why is ther an eagle in the song? Is it about eagles?" "Why does he look like that spangly vampire?") which would have provided me with endless amusement...if not anyone else...but the line was already probably about a half hour long and I had a train to catch and a bacon double cheese burger to buy (my guilty pleasure when I have to get a train from Paddington).

So - coherent thoughts was clearly a lie...I should get on with my coursework and sort my shit out before I go back to Wycombe (I think) for some o2 based shindig...then Crash :)

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Anywho, let us all take a moment to appreciae the brilliance of Chantal Claret-Euringer and Jimmy Urine:


And to be excited about how I'm seeign 30 Seconds To Mars tomorrow! on my own cos I'm hardcore/don;t have any friends/have appaling taste in music :D